Sweetest Devotion
by carla-connor-corrie
Summary: You will always be eternally the only who I belong to
1. Chapter 1

_This is a short introduction to this story. It'll probably be quite episodic just because of the idea I have. But yeah, I hope you enjoy the introduction!_

* * *

"I'm pregnant," The words spilled out of my mouth as soon as I heard Nick's footsteps in the flat. My body was slumped on the sofa; I could see him but I knew he'd stopped moving, stopped taking off his jacket. I told him so quickly because I'd been sat alone, well not alone, with my swirling thoughts. Since the test had confirmed my thoughts, I guess my fears, I'd sat on the sofa and my mind played scenarios to me. Scenes of the past and possibilities of the future - our future. 

"Woah let me get in the door," He said, a slight chuckle at the end that was full of nerves. 

"I've been waiting for you to come get in the door for hours," I told him as I looked to my hands. The skin was red around my thumbs where I'd been picking it as I awaited Nick's return. 

"Pregnant?" He asked as he sat beside me and I nodded gently then awaited his response. "Wow, um okay - not quite what I'd thought you'd tell me when I got in." 

"You don't sound happy," I said, my voice panicked because I needed Nick to support me, to guide me. 

"No I am, being a Dad is well, yeah everything really." Nick said and I knew how much it meant to him, he'd always wanted to be a Dad ever since I'd known him. I'd seen him with Max and Lily, even Bethany, the way he played with them or took them to the park; every time he was with them he was accompanied with a genuine smile. 

"So you want this baby?" I asked him and instead of answering he took my hand, squeezing it gently. 

"Do you?" He asked and I sighed as if I was trying to shift some of the weight I felt pushing upon me. The weight of decisions and responsibilities. 

"I don't know," I whispered. I did want the baby, a family with Nick, a chance to be happier than I'd ever deemed possible. But, what if this one opted out like my baby girl because I wouldn't blame them - they had a better Father this time, someone I trusted fully but they still had me as a Mother. Carla Connor with a child, most would laugh. 

"Have you done a test?" Nick asked me and I nodded at him, scared that if I'd have spoken my voice would've failed me and would have been replaced with tears. 

"Listen," Nick sighed, his body shifted closer to mine as our hands remained entwined. "I want this baby, our baby. I want to be a Dad and love our child honesty and truthfully. I want to play with them in the summer, all three of us running about and I want to snuggle up in the winter. Carla, I want this with you, a family with you because I love you. It might not be easy, it might take some adjusting but, I know we could do this, I know we could be happy with our own family." 

"You promise you won't leave?" I asked, my voice small after Nick's speech because I believed his every word, he wanted a child more than anything. Nick Tilsley as a Dad, that was an imagine I could picture vividly in my mind. 

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

* * *

Please _review with your initial thoughts x_


	2. Two

**Just a quick note – the whole Robert situation never happened**

* * *

 _I wasn't read then, I'm ready now  
_

* * *

I placed my bag down heavily when we returned home, I hoped heavily enough so that all my emotions would go with it. The sound it made on the side satisfied me and I let out a sigh before sitting on the stool.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked me as he watched me sit, his jacket still remained upon his body so I could only guess what he was going to say next. I nodded in response to his question and put on a smile; it was half genuine, half fake and I knew Nick could tell.

"I need to go into work, we're busy tonight and-"

"It's fine, go," I told him because I wanted him gone, I needed space, time just to think.

"You heard what he said, healthy," Nick told me before placing a kiss upon my head.

"Healthy."

* * *

 _I'd made an appointment out of fear I guess, the hospital agreed and told me a scan before twelve weeks was perfectly acceptable considering my circumstances. My circumstances._

 _Nick drove and it was silent, the radio had been turned off when the presenter had started talking about some family outing in the local area that weekend; I'd heard Nick sigh when my finger made connection with the off switch but I didn't say anything._

 _As my hand rested subconsciously on Nick's thigh I felt out of place on the plastic seats._

" _Do you think we're the only ones here under special circumstances?" I asked Nick quietly disguising the comment as a kiss on the cheek._

" _Who knows?" Nick shrugged, he seemed so relax, excited in fact, "It doesn't matter anyway – we're just making sure our baby is okay." I smiled at his comment and relaxed as I found his fingers laced with mine._

" _Carla Connor," A man voice my name, his suit slightly intimidating me as he leant out his office to observe the waiting room. Nick's hand squeezed mine ever so slightly as we stood and walked to the office._

" _I'm Rob and I'll be your midwife throughout you pregnancy," He introduced himself as I sat on the bed, the anxiety levels rose in me as he picked up a notes folder and walked to the bed._

" _How far gone do you think you are?" He asked and I paused because it was something I should know and I wasn't sure and I was so certain that he would judge me._

" _Um I'm not sure. We found out about two weeks ago but maybe six or seven," I said and I refrained from looking at him scared that his look would be one of the judgemental type. Nick remained silent through the general questions about my lifestyle and general wellbeing; he sat on the chair beside me one of his arms rested on the edge of the bed._

" _Right, I can see you're in for an early scan because of a previous miscarriage," I immediately tensed at his words. Miscarriage. My baby girl who chose to opt out, chose to not live a life with me as a mother and I still don't blame her. My baby girl who would've been almost eighteen months, she would have been walking and saying my name and I would be a Mum. Carla Connor a Mum._

" _Um yeah," I said nervously and I felt a weight being placed upon my hand, a gentle weight that made me smile._

" _I know it's hard but I can I just ask a few questions?" Rob asked and I nodded at him, "Were you told why it happened?"_

" _Stress," I said and he nodded._

" _Yeah, that's what I've got written here. Have you circumstances changed at all since then?" I thought about it, yeah I don't have a drunk and a cheat for a husband but I've been in a fire, accumulated a gambling habit, I still drink, found out I was related to my first husband – so when I really thought about it my stress levels were probably the same. But then there was Nick, my calming influence._

" _I'd say I'm less stressed most of the time but there are still periods when things happen that I have no control over," I told him, it was the only way to tell him without giving him a life story which he probably didn't want, or have time, to hear._

" _Okay," Rob said and I was struggling to tell anything from the tone of his voice, "I'm going to do the scan and then we can see where to go from here."_

 _The gel was cold, the same as the last time I'd felt it and no words were spoken for a few moments, the longest moments of my life._

" _If you look here that's your baby," Rob finally said and I turned my head towards the screen. He was right, my baby was on the screen, mine and Nick's baby – although they were tiny, barely visible on the screen, they looked nothing more than a blob, it was our healthy baby. I tried to keep my tears in but they poured out anyway, I was overcome with so many emotions I couldn't even begin to list. My fingers were laced with Nick's and I briefly drew my eyes away from the screen to see him too smiling, the light in his eyes bright._

" _You're six weeks gone, actually you'll probably be seven weeks come Saturday. The baby looks really healthy and you too, Carla, seem healthy. I'd say keep as stress free as possible, eat plenty of healthy food and perhaps think about taking maternity a little earlier to avoid stress later on. I can write you a letter for your workplace."_

" _I own the factory so I can do less and less as I get bigger," I told Rob as I sat up in the bed._

" _I'll print you off some scans, two?"_

" _Uh, three would be great," Nick said, the first time he'd spoken since we'd entered the room._

* * *

My bag had spilt out slightly from when I'd flung it down; Nick had left and gone to work and my mind was racing. Healthy. That was the word running through my head the most – our baby was healthy.

I picked up the white envelope that we'd been given, only one picture remained inside now: one for me, one for Nick and one for Nick's Mum (when we decided to tell her). Nick had evidently taken the other ones when we got into the car and I was left with mine. The first picture of my baby.

I was unaware at first but my body was moving towards the box, the box with my most sacred things and inside was another picture. A picture with a bigger baby, my baby girl. The photo was special, special because it was the only physical memory I had of her but special because I was lucky to have it. My office draw at been its home for so long and if it was here, in the box when the fire happened I would've lost it. Lost a part of her and a part of me.

The photos went side by side in my hand, my past and my future next to each other and all of a sudden the fear returned, the fear I'd managed to shift once the word healthy had been voiced. A fear that history could repeat itself and there's no reason why it wouldn't. There's no reason why this baby wouldn't opt out just like their sister had. Sister.

"Hey baby," I said softly as, for the first time, I let my hand connect with my stomach – I let the edge of my nails trace little patterns around and around.

"I just put your picture next you your sister's and you're so tiny, so tiny but you're healthy and you have to stay healthy. Can you do that for Mummy? I'm ready to be a good Mummy this time because your Daddy he's amazing and he'll look after both of us, I promise. He won't let any harm come to you and neither will I – you're going to be so loved, you are already so loved. Your big sister, she'll be watching you from the sky, looking down and protecting you. I'm her Mummy too but I didn't get to meet her, Mummy wasn't ready she was too stressed and your sister couldn't cope. I don't blame her though, she probably made the right choice because now I've got better and I've learnt and now she can watch you and me and make sure we're okay. We're going to be okay."

I sighed and placed the scans side by side in the box then closed the lid slowly with a small smile on my face. My babies together, side by side.

"I wasn't ready then, as much as I tell myself I was, I really wasn't. But, I promise you I'm ready now and I'm going to try my hardest to be the Mummy you need and the Mummy you deserve."

* * *

 _Thank you for all of your reviews, they warm my heart x_


	3. three

_Hit me like an explosion  
_

* * *

"Right are you sure you're okay if I go to work?" Nick asked me and I nodded for about the fifth time, I couldn't wait for him to leave. 

"Just go," I sighed from the sofa as he picked up his keys before walking towards me. 

"Are you two going to be okay?" 

"Yes," I replied more bluntly than I'd intended to. 

"Right, see you at one then," Nick said hesitantly he awkwardly stood beside me before walking out of the flat.

* * *

 _My eyes were fixated on the slight mark on the ceiling, I was trying to stay focused as to how it had got there, I tried to push any other thoughts out – I only cared about how the mark came to be on the ceiling. The high pitch sound from Nick's phone startled me slightly and my foot made contact with his leg when the irritating noise didn't stop._

" _Sorry," he mumbled and I couldn't stay mad at him as the grogginess and tiredness of his voice met my ears._

" _It's okay," I smiled and looked back at the ceiling._

" _Twenty weeks," Nick said and I didn't even need to look at him to know there was a smile on his face and I felt guilty because there wasn't one on mine._

" _Yeah," I said trying to sound happy, "Um I might cancel the scan."_

" _Why?" Nick asked his side of the bed shifting slightly._

" _Meetings and stuff," I told him and it wasn't a complete lie, more of an exaggeration._

" _Carla we need to have a scan to make sure everything's okay. Everything will be okay and we could even find out if we're having a little boy or a little-"_

" _Nick, I'm cancelling it," I said harshly and he stopped talking right away, the silence hung over us for a few moments, "I'll ring and reschedule for a few weeks."_

" _Few weeks?" He asked clearly unimpressed with my choice, clearly desperate to see our baby again. I wanted to see them again too but I couldn't do it, my head was too busy._

" _Just leave it okay," I told him bluntly before swinging my legs round the bed, they met with the floor and I felt a slight movement inside my stomach. I slight movement I chose to ignore._

* * *

I checked my bag for the tenth time, keys, phone, lip gloss and notes. My notes that I'd kept to neatly last time and this time they were folded up, tightly folded so the words couldn't be read. I paced as I awaited Nick and I thought about cancelling, even if it would've been for the third time. I could cancel and say I was busy, running a business required time and that I'd go next week but I knew I wouldn't go. 

Nick entered the flat at five to one, five minutes early, he had a spring in his step and beat to his voice. 

"Ready?" He asked me holding the door open and I smiled weakly as I walked out of it. 

"Are you okay?" He asked me and I nodded. 

"Tired," I said and it was mostly true, tired and nervous and apprehensive and nauseous. 

The car journey was mostly silent, the radio was on quietly no more than a hum, the noise only whispering through the speakers so it wasn't quite silent. I'd didn't know what to say to Nick because he was so excited and I wasn't – I was scared, so scared. 

It felt like a nano-second between my body hitting the blue seat and my name being called out, I had no time to breathe or to think. We entered the same room as before but Nick's hand wasn't laced between mine this time and no words were exchanged as I laid myself on the bed and Nick sat in the chair next to me. 

"I see you've cancelled this appointment several times, is everything okay?" Rob asked as the equipment was being set up for my scan, he indicated for me to roll my top up and I did so, a tiny bump showing, a bump that was still hidden under baggy clothing. I wasn't as big as I'd expected to be by now but I could still see the little bump when I showered or got dressed and it comforted me. 

"Just really busy with work, a few meetings I couldn't get out of," I said quickly and although it wasn't a lie, it wasn't the whole truth. 

"Completely understandable, this will be cold," He told me and it was cold and my muscles tensed slightly. The warmth of Nick's hand could soon be felt upon mine as the image of our baby began to form on the screen. Our baby was so much bigger than the last time, the head and the arms and the legs clearly visible in the picture – our baby looked like a proper baby for the first time and tears sprung to my eyes as I wished I hadn't left the scan for so long. 

"Everything looks really healthy," Rob said with a smile which I mirrored as Nick's hand gently squeezed mine, "Did you want to know the gender?" 

I looked to Nick and he shrugged, "He's desperate to find out, so please tell us to make him shut up," I joked slightly earning a nervous chuckle from Nick. 

"A little girl."

* * *

"I would have been happy with either but I'm glad they're a girl because there are so many girls names that I like," Nick rambled as he watched over the food cooking in a pan. 

"If you like more names then it's going to make it harder," I pointed out from the sofa, my feet were propped on the coffee table and some cooking show was on the tele. 

"Well yeah but all the girls things are nicer and then I don't know, I just guess I always wanted a girl." 

Nick's happy tone made me smile from the sofa as I watched him in the kitchen carry on rambling about the park and princess dresses and for once I didn't mind that he was going on and on about something. My hand creeped to my stomach as he spoke and I found myself tracing patterns of flowers and butterflies and one of the butterflies was allowed to fly and I felt it soar across me. 

"Nick come here," I said a little more urgently than I meant to, he came rushing panic on his face as he looked at my hand placed upon my stomach, a gesture that rarely occurred. 

"Put you hand here," I told him removing my hand from my stomach and allowing his to take my place and he felt it too. He felt the butterfly fly. 

This was real, it hit me that this was real and we were going to be parents and that scared me but as I saw the smile on Nick's face form and the glow in his eyes as his hand remained upon my stomach I knew it would be okay. We would be okay.


	4. four

_**I haven't written for ages so I apologise in advance.  
**_

* * *

 _the way I'm running  
_

* * *

"This is cute," Michelle commented as she let herself into the flat, the array of toys and necessities practically greeted her as she walked in. 

"Hmm," I replied, Nick had been persistently buying everything and anything we could possibly need when our little girl arrived. 

"You don't sound too impressed," Michelle observed as she put the kettle on. 

"I am, just tired," I smiled weakly but I didn't fool Michelle, she wasn't as easily taken by my excuses as Nick was. His excitement and love for our daughter seemed to make him blind to my quietness and unsureness. 

"Why haven't you tidied any of this away? I almost broke my neck on it coming in." 

"Yeah, I'll do that now actually," I nodded then lifted myself from the sofa slowly. The pile on the floor was ever growing. It had begun with a few nappies Nick came home with one night and then a teddy bear and then some bottles and then some soft toys. Nick's eagerness and commitment was wanted but it felt like everything was happening so quickly. My life had changed so quickly and I all of a sudden lacked control, I had to put someone else first, I was responsible for someone else's life. I couldn't go out with Michelle and drink as much as I wanted and I couldn't walk around the shops for hours on end without becoming tired. 

"Carla, are you okay?" Michelle asked as she watched me for a few moments, she clearly noticed my eyes linger too long upon the cream coloured teddy in my hands. 

"I don't know Michelle," I sighed before placing the soft toy on the side, "I feel like everything's happening so quickly and I have no control." 

"Carla, you're doing so well and I promise once you're organised you'll feel calmer. Once you know everything's ready for the arrival of your little girl." 

"I just feel like it was yesterday I told Nick I was pregnant and now I need to pick a name and find a house," I stressed. 

"That what these are?" Michelle asked holding up the paperwork with pictures of houses upon them. 

"Yeah, I want to be close to the factory though but there's nothing. The closest one we've found is a thirty minute drive." 

"Maybe it'll be nice, you'll have your family life and your professional life completely separate," Michelle suggested and I thought about what she'd said. I'd never had that separation before, everything was always entwined in one: family, work, love, lies and everything in between. 

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

* * *

"So, I read that maybe you should start packing a hospital bag," Nick said breaking the comfortable silence we'd been sat in for a while. I shuffled in Nick's arms so I could sit up slightly and look at him. 

"Nick, she's not going to come for at least another two months yet," I told him trying to hide the worry I had. 

"But she could come any time now really, I read about it and it-" 

"Oh you read about it, Nick at what point has our midwife said she'll come early?" I said, my voice slightly raised as I removed myself completely from his embrace. 

"Well I know Rob's never mentioned it but it could happen Carla, we need to be ready for every possibility, you can't keep running from this." 

"I'm not running from anything Nick!" I shouted which I think shocked him a bit, his body language softened a lot and his look became sympathetic. 

"Why are you scared?" 

"Nick, I'm not scared it's-" 

"Carla, you don't need to lie to me." 

"If you'd stop interrupting I'd tell you!" I snapped and then let out a sigh. "I'm not scared, not really, it's just all happening so quickly and it's the first time that I've lacked control." 

"Control?" 

"I can't have complete control over everything I do anymore, in fact this little one," I said resting my hand upon my bump, "has most the control. I want this baby, Nick I can't wait to have a child with you but so much has changed so quickly and sometimes that's hard." 

"I wish you'd told me all of this before, I would've laid off a bit," Nick said as he moved closer to me. 

"It's okay, I like watching you get excited about the baby," I said with a smile which Nick mirrored. 

"Maybe, we could get the laptop and pick a coming home outfit for our little one. That way we're starting to get organised quickly," Nick suggested and I nodded with a smile. 

The website contained so much but there was one thing that caught my eye the most. The Elephant body suit was quilted with grey detailing and the small rattle matched perfectly. 

"This one," I said to Nick, my hand covered his to stop him from scrolling. 

"Ah, expensive taste just like her Mother," Nick chuckled. 

"Well she likes it," I shrugged as I continued to run my hand along my stomach. 

"Forty quid for a tiny all in one," Nick said with a shake of the head but a laugh, "Carla the delivery is a tenner!" 

"Are you begrudging our daughter of a quality outfit to come home in?" I asked sarcastically. 

"No, no I'm just saying that if she's going to have the same taste as her Mum in clothes I'll need to open a second restaurant. 

"Hey," I laughed before adding the body suit to the basket and curling myself into Nick's side, "Why would I want to run from this, from us?"

* * *

 **thank you for reading, please leave a review x**


	5. five

_we can break every low_

* * *

"Carla, why are these all messy?" Nick moaned as he opened the cupboard, he shuffled some of the tins and packets around then shook his head, "Honestly, you can't find anything in here." 

"Nick it's a fucking cupboard, just leave it how it is," I stressed as I checked my bag for the tenth time, "All the stuff I like is near the front so I can actually get it." 

"Seriously the whole place is a mess, we need to get it tidy in the next few days," Nick said as he finally pulled out what he wanted from the cupboard. 

"Do you want a daughter or a tidy flat?" I asked and Nick raised his eyebrow at me, the look I often gained when he wanted me to be quiet, "You can't have both!" 

"Calm down," He laughed, it wasn't a happy laugh though more of a nervous one, "When we move into the house it'll all be fine." 

"Moving with a new born, whose stupid idea was that?" I raised my eyebrow at him and he just turned away, "Are you even still coming?" 

"Of course I'm still coming," Nick sighed and his sigh wasn't his usual tired one it was full of love, can a sigh be full of love? 

"I need to tell you something," I said quietly without even meaning to, I didn't expect myself to say it. It was a thought and a fear that had been swimming in my head for a few days, one I didn't think I would voice. 

"What, what's happened?" Nick turned to face me now, both his voice and face full of concern. 

"It's nothing actually, should we just get going," I said quickly trying to move on from my sudden comment, one I was now mentally kicking myself for voicing. 

"Carla, tell me," Nick said and I knew he wasn't going to let this go.

"We're going to be late if we don't leave now," I said walking towards the door despite knowing I couldn't escape the impending conversation. 

"We've got ages yet, Carla," Nick told me and I knew he was right but the fear consumed me, fear of Nick's reaction and the outcome. 

"I haven't really felt her move in a few days," I said quickly, so quickly in fact I was surprised Nick had understood me. 

"What do you mean move?" 

"Like kick or anything but she is moving because my stomach gets harder and softer but, I don't know Nick, her movements are really light and I'm just scared," I said, the words flew out of me once I'd begun. 

"Okay, do you feel okay?" Nick asked, his voice shaky and unsure. 

"I don't really feel any different, just really tired all the time but that's normal." 

"Right, if we get going um we can bring it up with Rob." 

"Yeah," I sighed and went back over to the door.

* * *

"So I just want to check the little one is the right size and moving into the right position ready for the birth," Rob said as we entered the room; my palms were sweaty as I pulled myself onto the bed just as I had done times before. 

"Wil I be able to see her?" I asked maybe more urgently than I should have. 

"Of course," Rob nodded before looking between both of us, "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah," I smiled before getting myself comfortable. 

"No," Nick said shaking his head and leaning forward slightly, "Carla hasn't really been feeling the baby move very much in the past few days." 

"Right okay," Rob said but his concern seemed minimal as he continued to set up the scan, "How long has this been?" 

"Around two days," I said, my breath getting slightly caught as the cold gel made contact with my stomach. 

"I'm sure it's nothing but let's have a look," Rob said as the image of our little girl began to form on the screen, "There's her head." 

"She looks like a proper baby," Nick said as his eyes became fixated on the screen, "Is she sucking her thumb?" 

"Yep, there's the arm and her thumb," Rob pointed out, "The legs are here." 

"Is everything okay?" I asked as I stared at the screen. 

"She's perfectly fine. It is common to feel less movement towards the end of the pregnancy; she hasn't got as much room to move around and she should be getting into a position for birth now." 

"She still looks quite small," I said, I knew I was probably over analysing everything, scared of everything that could possibly go wrong. 

"She's around forty-seven centimetres which is almost normal just a tad short and is probably around five pounds 3 ounces which is a tad lighter than we'd like." 

"Is that a problem?" Nick asked, he'd moved forward in his seat now but his eyes still hadn't moved off our little girl. 

"It shouldn't be a problem, she still has a few weeks to grow yet. I think she'll be around six pound three ounces when she's born which is perfectly healthy." 

"So everything's okay?" I asked and as Rob nodded at me my body relaxed fully for the first time in days. 

"All I'd say is she really needs to be moving into a birth position now. I'd recommend gently bouncing on a birthing ball or scrubbing floors just to get your pelvis opening." 

"Would be a miracle to see Carla cleaning," Nick joked and I gave him a sarcastic smile. 

"Honestly though, everything looks really good and I have no concerns. Get lots of rest in the next few weeks and just make sure the hospital bag is packed and everything is ready."

* * *

"Maybe it's a sign," I said from the sofa as Nick cooked. 

"What is?" 

"That she's small, maybe it's a sign we can't, well I can't, help her grow into the persons he wants to be," I sighed just to receive a laugh from Nick. 

"I think you're thinking about her weight too deeply," He commented before going back to the food. 

"I'm being serious, Nick. I can't cope with my own problems, my own low moments; how am I supposed to help our little girl through hers?" I said and it was true. The thought of not being able to drown my sorrows in the same way as before, the thought of having to be selfless rather than selfish was an odd concept to me. The thought of someone being completely dependent on my care and support was daunting. I had more lows than highs but I had to learn to cope in a better way, I had to learn to look after more people than myself. I wasn't very good at looking after myself at the best of times. 

"Listen to me," Nick said as he moved towards where I was sitting, "We're going to be fine, all three of us. I know it's scary, it's strange for me too but this is what we both want and we will make it work. We're going to start are own family and move to a new house and it will work. If you're feeling low then we'll work through it together. Our little girl is going to be so loved, Carla, you're so loved. It'll be okay, I promise you."

* * *

 _Please leave a review x_


	6. six

_**massive thank you to Shannon for helping me with all the factual stuff in this chapter, she's an absolute star.**_

 _tears down my walls  
_

* * *

"And I might not be perfect at first, well I'll probably never be perfect, but your Daddy is going to be amazing. He's going to always look after you and he'll play games and laugh with you. I'm not saying I won't do those things but I find it hard, I find it hard to show my love but I do love you," My hand drifted across my stomach once more before resting on top of the remote. The daytime programmes never failed to cause boredom to fall upon me and no matter how many times I channel surfed nothing new would appear. 

"You must be ready to come and meet us soon, Mummy needs something to keep her occupied all day," I sighed as I flicked through the channels again. Maternity leave had to happen even though I'd tried to avoid it at every cost. When I became unable get myself to important meetings or run the factory swiftly, Aidan had practically forced me out saying I needed to rest. Rest has never been something I'm good out, at home my mind would turn and turn thinking about orders at the factory that were due to go out or thinking about the baby. Nick was becoming desperate to meet her, as soon as she out stayed her welcome by one day he was impatient, in fact he was impatient for the last five weeks. 

"You're quiet today, getting ready to come to see us all?" Since the last appointment I'd been less stressed about the lack of movement, I counted the movement each day and it made me calmer, both Nick and I. I sighed as I looked round the flat, the same news segment playing for the fourth time that morning, my eyes locked with the crisp packet on the side and my strength was exerted upon the sofa as I pulled myself up. 

"That was harsh," I said as I felt a sharp pain in my stomach my body stopping its movement as the wave of pain moved through me, my hand resting on the worktop. I took a deep breath as the pain subsided and gradually stood up straight again, my hand brushed over my stomach as thoughts flew around my head. I knew it was time for my baby to come, it was more than time but a part of me was still not ready and there was a part of me that thought I'd never be ready. 

The daytime TV was coming to an end now and as the early evening game shows began another wave of pain ran through me and my body tensed once more. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes was loads of time, no need to panic. Contestants went through the show answering questions that were supposed to be general knowledge but I rarely knew the answers and then the pain hit again. I watched as the team lost their money they'd won in the rounds and then as the local news began it happened again. Fifteen minutes, panic began to rise within me now as I was more than certain of the situation arising, my hand reached to the coffee table were my phone was rested. 

The ringing droned in my ears as I was then greeted with Nick's answer phone. "Hey babe, no need to worry but can you just give me a ring when you get this." I sighed as I placed the phone back down on the table deciding Nick wouldn't take long to reply and I'd be okay, Rob said I'd have loads of time. 

The first set of adverts in the news didn't arrive before the next pain, ten minutes and now I couldn't help but panic. My phone was grasped in my hand again and Nick's number but, for the second time, his pre-recorded voice greeted me. "Nick please just ring me or come home, I need you." My short nails tapped along the screen for a moment as I thought about what I could do. I scrolled in my contacts looking for the number of The Bistro and found it. "Hello, Nick's Bistro how can I help you?" 

"Hi Steph, it's Carla. Where's Nick?" 

"He's in a meeting, he should only be another hour or so, I can-" 

"Steph I don't know if I'll have an hour, go and get him now." 

"Okay, okay I'm going now, bye." 

Five minutes now, the contractions, the pain growing ever closer together, the progression of the situation happening a lot quicker than I was warned it would. Thoughts were swirling through my head quicker than I knew they could. All my strength was used to pull myself off the sofa and over to the side, the side where Nick had placed the folder with everything we needed in it. It had all the phone numbers I might want, all the paperwork we'd collected over the many months. 

"You're a strong one aren't you," I said as yet again I had to grip the side to stabilise my body. Seven minutes and still no sign of Nick. "Shit," I whispered as I felt liquid down my leg but nowhere near as much as I thought there would be. I stared down at the floor for a few moments thinking that the liquid would all just disappear as if none of this was happening. My thoughts began to gather again as I opened the folder and began to dial the maternity unit's number. 

"Hello, Weatherfield maternity ward how can I help you?" 

"Hi um it's Carla Connor, I just got told to ring here when um when my waters broke and they just have." 

"Okay Carla, who's with you?" The lady asked. 

"I'm on my own but my partner's on his way back he'll be here any minute," I explained and tried to hide the wavering in my voice, I'd been off the phone to Steph for a while now, plenty time for Nick to walk home. 

"Okay well when he gets in I want you to make your way here where we'll have everything ready for you. I'll page Rob now to let him know you're coming," The lady explained, her voice having a calming impact. 

"Thank you," I said before putting the phone down. I walked over to the bathroom, the walk taking longer with a contraction hitting me twice on my way. Three minutes. I placed a sanitary towel on to protect my clothing, something Rob recommended and then grabbed a towel from the cupboard for the car journey. 

"Just hang on in there for Mummy, just till Daddy gets here," I said through gritted teeth as yet another wave of pain hit me, panic rising even further due to Nick's absence. 

I gathered everything by the door, the bag we packed a few weeks ago full of clothes and magazines. I was struggling to stand now, the pain becoming more regular and a lot harder to cope with. 

"Hey, I'm sorry," Nick said as he walked through the door picking up the hospital bag immediately. 

"Where the flamin' hell have you been!" I said, the stress evident in my voice. 

"I was in this meeting and then I swear everyone on the street wanted to talk to me on the way back," Nick explained and he genuinely sounded guilty. 

"Well you're here now," I sighed releasing now wasn't the time to be arguing, "Can we just go?" 

Nick smiled and let me out the flat and that's when it hits me, this was really happening. 


	7. seven

_there ain't nothing I can't adore_

* * *

"Carla, are you ready to hold her now?" Nick asked and I sat up awkwardly in the hospital bed and looked over at Nick cradling our baby girl close to his chest. She'd been with us around half an hour now after making a quick arrival; once we'd arrived at the hospital it didn't take long for the birth to be completed. After she passed the Apgar test Nick and I had been left alone with our new born. I hadn't held her yet, she looked so precious, so fragile as if she would break in my arms. 

"Carla," Nick said again and this time his body moved, he moved ever so slowly careful not to cause any harm to our little girl. Protective from the first moment. "Hold her," Nick urged and I looked at him then to her then to Nick again. 

"I'm okay for now, still tired," I said and then once again let my eyes drift to our baby. 

"Please hold her before the nurses come back," Nick said and he stood up this time and my body tensed, "I'll sit right beside you, I won't leave you." 

I nodded slowly then looked up to Nick who had a gentle smile upon his face; he perched on the edge of the bed ever so gently before lowering our baby into my arms. I was stiff at first, stiff with the fear of causing any harm to the perfect being I held. "Relax," Nick told me and I wish it was as easy as that. I could feel his eyes on me as my eyes were upon our little girl. 

"It feels wrong," I said quietly and Nick's focus changed so that his eyes were upon me instead, "Nick this feels so wrong, why am I not crying or feeling all the emotions of love?" 

"These things can take time," Nick said before sitting properly on the bed beside me, "Carla, look how beautiful she is." 

Nick was right, our baby girl was beautiful. Her legs were still slightly bent from where she'd been in the womb, her hair was light on the top of her head (clearly taking after Nick) but we were told this would fall out in the next few days. Her eyes were only slightly open but she was beautiful and I made her. Nick and I made something this beautiful 

"If you move the shoulder of your top skin to skin contact will help with bonding," the nurse said as she entered snapping me out of the trance I found myself in. 

"Um okay," I said although a little unsure about the suggestion. Nick gently moved my top down and as I lifted my baby up slightly her skin, that was ever so soft, came in contact with mine for the first time and everything felt so real. Everything felt so right. "Hey baby girl," I said quietly as I watched her closely. 

"Carla, are you going to breastfeed?" The nurse asked after giving me a moment, a moment which I'd really needed. 

"I wasn't planning on," I said awkwardly knowing it was a decision often frowned upon but I wanted to make my own decision, the right decision for us as a family. 

"It does help with bonding a lot but it's completely your choice," the nurse said and then stood waiting for my decision. 

"Will it be good for her?" I asked gesturing my head to my little girl cradled close to me. 

"Definitely." 

"Yeah okay, I'll breastfeed then," I aid then sighed again, another action I never thought I'd take. I looked over at Nick who was smiling at me, one of his big smiled from his eyes, my favourite smile. 

"So at first it might be hard for you to know when she's hungry but try to offer her your breast every time she thinks she is. Over the next few weeks you'll learn what her different cries mean but as a guide you should be feeding around eight times in a twenty-four hour period," the nurse explained and I listened closely, not wanted to miss a word, not wanting to make a single mistake. 

As my baby girl fed I watched her and felt full of purpose, I was needed for someone, someone really needed me.

* * *

"Is she going to get a name?" Nick asked breaking the comfortable silence we'd been sat in for the past few minutes. Our little girl was asleep in the plastic cot they'd provided, the nurses saying we should be allowed home the following day. 

"What names do you like?" I asked as I sat myself up so I could see Nick properly. 

"I like the names than mean something," Nick said before picking up his phone and typing something, "Carla means 'one who is strong' and that's true," He said and I smiled at him softly. 

"What does Nicholas mean then?" 

"Nicholas means 'victory' and Nick, you know the name normal people tend to go for," He joked and I picked up the spare pillow threatening to throw it, "Nick means…oh the same thing." 

"Of course it's the same thing, it's the same bloody name," I told him laughing, "Always knew there was a reason I opted for Nicholas," We laughed together for a moment till cries began to surface from, our still nameless, baby girl. I sat up and lifted her slowly towards my chest, cradling her softly. 

"Alaia means 'joyful and happy' and Mae means 'goddess of spring and growth,'" Nick told me then began listing some other names he'd found with meanings that appealed to him and I considered the names for a moment whilst looking down at our baby as she fed. 

"Alaia Mae Tilsley," I said softly as I looked at the baby cradled in my arms, her eyes having closed after her feed, "Our joy, our happiness and our growth."


	8. eight

_something in your loving_

* * *

"Quiet at last," I sighed as I sat on the sofa, my eyes feeling heavier than they ever had done. 

"I'm sorry about my Mum," Nick said whilst putting the kettle on, "I know she can be full on but it's only because she cares." 

"It's fine, at least we know we've got an eager babysitter if we ever need one," I joked before searching for the TV remote. Since we'd arrived home with Alaia the flat had been transformed; the coffee table was full of blankets, wipes and soft toys – the remote buried somewhere underneath it all. 

"You were quiet when Mum was here," Nick said, he was looking over at me as he poured the drinks, "are you okay?" 

"Yeah," I said nodding, "it's just all a lot y'know?" 

"Yeah, I know," Nick agreed, "everything happened at once, this month has be crazy but I've never been happier." 

"Me neither," I said and, for once, I honestly meant it. Being a Mum had changed me, it had made me look after myself more, made me appreciate Nick more and made me love more. Even when our little girl made more noise than I thought was possible, I didn't mind. When I had to hold her for hours and sing to her for hours, I didn't mind. I don't think I'll ever mind. 

"She'll be awake soon," Nick said as she sat down next to me and as I looked over I could see the tiredness in his eyes. I'd never seen anything as precious as Nick with Alaia; he rocked her so gently, spoke to her so honestly and was so patient with her; something I hadn't been expecting. 

"Hm, don't jinx it," I knew he was right and as much as I loved being a Mum, I was so tired. I just wanted an hour just to sit and watch the daytime TV I complained about during my pregnancy. Just an hour without feeding, nappies, tiding or washing. 

"Jinxed it, sorry," Nick said as cries began to grow louder from our bedroom just minutes after I'd found the TV remote; Nick tilted his head back before going to stand up. 

"I'll go," I said with a smile, my hand squeezing his knee slightly.

* * *

"Hey baby girl," I said quietly as I walked into the room, I smiled to myself as Alaia's eyes widened at the sound of my voice, I walked to the Moses basket and lifted her gently, smiling as I did so. 

In the past month I'd learnt so much about myself, I loved being a Mum. I was apprehensive at first, full of anxiety everyday just in case I made a mistake but over the past week I'd learnt that I was going to make mistakes and so was Nick but that was okay. 

"Did you have a good sleep?" I pressed my lips ever so gently against Alaia's temple as I sat in the rocking chair so I could feed her. 

"You were so good when Granny came earlier, only cried once when she held you but I don't blame you; she can be a bit full on. But she loves you very much in fact, lots of people love you. You're very loved. I love you, more than I ever thought I could because your unconditional love towards me makes me so happy. They fact I'm helping you to grow up and become whoever you choose to be. Maybe you'll be a business women like Mummy, maybe you'll like running like Daddy but whatever you choose to do Alaia, I'll love you no matter what and so will Daddy." 

As Alaia finished feeding I lifted her so she was stood on my knees looking right at me with her blue eyes, just like Nick, and I smiled, just like I always did. I burped her after about four attempts – the one thing I still was getting to grips with then stood her on my knees again, my hand rested behind her head. 

"You're so beautiful, you look exactly like your Daddy," I told her, Alaia's blue eyes and her lightly coloured hair made her the image of Nick. 

"Did I hear my name?" Nick said as he stuck his head around the door. 

"I was just telling her how much she looks like you." 

"Unlucky ey," Nick said as he came and knelt beside the rocking chair I was still sat in. 

"I'd say she's very lucky, actually," I said looking to Nick who had a smile on his face, a smile of genuine happiness. 

"I love you, both of you." 

Nick's hand reached to Alaia's and she wrapped her tiny fingers around Nick's index finger and as I looked to his face which was full of love and happiness I knew I, finally, I had everything I had ever wanted. Something in Nick and Alaia's loving made me know that everything would always be okay.

* * *

 _The End.  
_

* * *

 _ **Thank you so much for reading this story and for all the lovely reviews. Also, a massive thank you to Shannon (Shannon1991xo) for all of her help with this story and making sure it was all factually correct – if you haven't read her stories I recommend you do because they're magical.**_


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